The Daily Daily
Rick Scott Announces Resignation
Floridians rejoice despite the stupid fucking decision they collectively made late last year
By A.G. Splanarski
Dateline: April 1, 2011 Tallahassee, FloridaIn a surprise move today, Gov. Rick Scott announced he would resign his post as Florida's head fucker-upper. Though numerous idiots voted for the guy -- enough to get the jackass elected, in fact -- he has decided to step down. At a recent press conference, Scott said with a straight face glued to that icky bald head of his, "It is with great sadness that I resign my post as governor of the great state of Florida."
Then, without warning, the creepy skullhead burst into maniacal laughter and shouted, "I can't believe you idiots voted for me! What the fuck were you people thinking?"
The stunned crowd looked on as Scott then tossed a handful of beige sand on the stage, proceeded to perform a soft-shoe as he hummed "Swanee (How I love Ya)."
Considering the guy has managed to crush a proposed intrastate rail system, cut funding to schools and the disabled, proposed drug testing for welfare recipients and state employees (and pretty much everyone else), and has ranked, in some polls, as the least popular governor in the entire world, he should be commended for fucking up in three months what takes most politicians years to accomplish.
(Editor's note: This is a parody. It is not real. If you believed this shit, you are probably one of the stupid motherfuckers who voted for this asshole in the first place. You deserve everything that's coming to you.)
